Hellooo! back again with me as the content writer of this whole blog that spoke of almost everything on my mind. Not literally everything tho wkwkwk just some good shit and weird but hopefully helpful theories of mine :D
Okay so before i jump into the actual thing, i have to tell you an introduction story of mine that related with the topic and this story somehow lead myself to be the way i am today. Note: this post might be the longest post i've ever write in my life.
It all begins in the middle of my elementary school. Since i was a kid, i'm not the 'eye-catching' type of girl, although i was (and still) a dominant and super extrovert person in my circle. In my school, there was a group of girls, well i can say, some pretty girls. And just like any other society, people thought they are special just because they were seen as a bunch of pretty girls and some of them are quite intimidating. And obviously, i'm not a part of them.
Back then, i'm amazed of everything that they were and the fact that everything they were are everything that i'm not, kinda lower my self esteem BACK THEN. I should tell you that i'm not this insecure kid anymore :)). Okay back to the story. I used to wonder why people treated them differently from the others, why people admitted and agreed that they were special (which now i realized that some of them are not special at all), why did it all couldn't happened to me? I mean, i was as dominant as some of them and i'm not that ugly thooo (ok maaf the current nedita have a super high self esteem) and i keep questioning myself the same question until one day i watched a movie named 'The Clique'.
Brief explanation, it's a movie about girls clique and they are exclusive as fuck and suddenly a basic girl named Claire came into their life and kinda ruin everything. One day Claire asked one of her friend i don't remember the exact words but the point is "why people always treat them more special than any others?" and her friend answered "because they think they are".
THAT LINE has woke me up like baaamm this is what i was looking for the whole time. Even though it took me years to finally understand the real meaning of 'you are what you think', i'm happy that i found the answer to all my insecurities.
In junior high, i met some girls who's just like the girl's group in my elementary school, but better. All of them were like pretty and smart and fashionable etc etc and magically they indirectly invited me to join them which at that moment i wondered why??? i'm not even qualified as everything that they were. But they were so kind and real (and we still remains friends until now!) and they're the one who contributed a lot of my self esteem that i've got now.
By being one of them, i finally knew what it feels like to be 'seen', what it feels like to be jealoused at by other girls, what it feels like to be talked about, what it feels like to be known by a lot of people in both good and bad way, and it really built my self esteem, but still, without me knowing and understanding the real meaning of the 'you are what you think'
As you know in senior high i was separated with them since i became their juniors hahaha so it's a whole new society for me. At first i had this kind of weird feeling about my friends, like i'm afraid i couldn't have the exclusive squad like what i used to. But magically, i mean i don't know how, me, the weird girl in elementary school, attracted those kind of girls to be in my inner circle without me even trying! shooked??? wkwkwk. I have the same type of squad in high school (and even better because we have a fewer member than my past squad so the connection between us are more intimate) and not being shady at all but i felt like i gave each of my inner circle friends a 'spotlight' by just being my friends. And i have no idea how the fuck i became this person but yeah this is what i am now.
In college... hahaha. I have a lot of time to think even deeper about myself and who i actually am, and i have friends who's open minded enough to share each other's stories and deep insecurities. And by the way the same path happened again in my college society, well it's even more easier than ever. All i did was literally NOTHING and 'those kind of girls' came to me just in a blink of an eye. And all of sudden this squad with a bunch of pretty and easily 'seen' girls are like the most eye-catching squad in my society.
OKAY WE'RE FINALLY DONE WITH MY BORING STORY and now it's time to jump into the main topic.
The fact that i changed to be a whole new person with a whole lot better personality in a few years made me think deeper until i finally back into the movie line and relating all of the things that happened with my life with that line.
Conclusion:
You, are what you think
What's on your mind, represents the 'you' outside
I was a "not eyecatching" girl in elementary, because i thought i was. I've seen girls that were better than me in physical aspects and i felt like less human compared to them. I thought i was unattractive and i'm not matched to be their friends therefore i wasn't. I tried to change my appearance in junior high and i got into the 'it' clique, but i still thought of myself an unattractive girl.
As the time goes by i changed, just because i finally found the fact that physical appearance means nothing more since i have the power to attract any kind of human that i like to be my friends. I'm deep down a kind person, and i'm humble, and i treat everyone the same way no matter if they're special or not. That's what i think of myself right now based on everything that i've done to all my friends. And by that thought my mind somehow embracing it into my daily life to be an even more kind, even more humble person, and always treat everyone the same way. Being a special person made me realize that we are still nobody to not treating people the same way. Kasarannya, who the fuck are you to act like you're so special until you could treat people differently the way you desire?
Now i'm wondering, would my life be the same if i didn't change my own perspective of myself? would i be the current me if i didn't think that i'm a better person inside and outside? And the answer is obviously NO.
What's on your mind, only you could take control of that. People cannot see it, it's all yours and yours to make. And just by a small little thought you define yourself, that's gonna be what you are outside. Trust me cause i've experienced this, from nobody to finally somebody, at least in my society. You are the one who know your own value, and all of it starts from your own mind.
If you think you're not pretty, then people will somehow think the same way. I mean like this. You're the one who think of yourself 'not pretty' and you expect people to think that you are? still possible. But it's quite hard. If you have just a liiiitle thought of yourself, nggak muluk muluk deh just as simple as "well, i look good today." people will somehow see that in you cause that thought is like shining outta you somehow. You think you look good, and that thought will raise your self esteem for that whole day even just a bit, because you thought you are.
Well i didn't thought it would be this hard to explain this but i do reaaally hope that you understand what i've been saying.
So, please, starts from now, think every good aspects of yourself. Reduce every thought that make you feel like you're less, and start adding positive perspective of yourself into your own mind. Believe me, that thought will embrace you as a person in your daily life and if you keep doing it everyday, imagine what kind of a better person you would be in a week? or in a month?
If you're that kind of person who finds it hard to think of your own good aspects (well i have a friend who faced this too), maybe you could start by listing your blessings. I mean well you're alive and you could read this post and that is counted as a blessing too. If counting your blessings is still a hardwork for you, maybe you should try to be more grateful before doing this kind of self theraphy hehehe.
I said it's a self theraphy, because i wanna persuade all of you to try this method that had changed me to be a better person. Just as simple as counting your blessings or just compliment or give credit to yourself every single day (well i'm still doing this one like everyday in front of my mirror right before i go to college and that really made my self esteem for the whole day)
FOR EXAMPLE: I'm not that pretty but i always said to myself "BITCH YOU LOOK SO FUCKING PRETTY EVERYDAY" and now i've never feel less human than everyone in my circle even if there's a lot of prettier girls than me, i dont care. All i care about is how happy and grateful i am everyday to feel pretty and lookin good always.
So please just do it everyday from now on okay??? It's for your own sake of mental health hahahaha jancok ngomong opose :(
CAUTION: overdoing this might lead to 'kepedean' (which i am now wkwk) but that's okay tho as long as you could control it. And for meee kepeedean is a better thing than always being insecure, right??? :D
See you on the next post bitchas!
xoxo,
Nedita <3
