some of us might think its insane, to have the courage to directly tell your crush that you have feelings for them.
well, let me tell you a story about my first-ever experience doing that.
it happened at night, where everyone were busy with their own thing. previously i just had a huge breakdown caused by all the pressure and regrets from my job as one of the committee. and well, as a person who naturally cares a lot, (lets just call him baby for the rest of the post) baby asked me what's wrong while sat next to me.
baby is one of my good friend, and a great listener too. at that moment my feelings for him had already faded—a lot—but he's still a dear to me. i told him what happened and after lots and lots of tears, he rushingly gave me tons of tissues and a glass of water and i stopped the tears. after a few moment of silence...
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME, i didn't even think about the possibilities of what could happen if i come out to him directly, in this kind of situation. i just felt like this is the right thing to do, so i did it.
"hey, i wanna tell you something"
"yeah?"
"but promise me that after this talk we could still be friend, you wont be mad, and nothing will ever change between us"
*baby raised his eyebrow he looked so confused and nervous* "now you got my full attention"
"did you realize that, back then.. i kinda have some feelings, for you?"
and that's how it started.
and no i wont write down the rest of the conversation because it was too private :))
but the thing is, i feel so relieved that baby finally knows whats going on (cause recently i've been giving him mixed signals and i could go from you really made my day to you're the last person that i wanna see on earth—i literally said that in front of his face once, at that time i was furious lol) and apparently he also wondered why whats going on. but now that we both tell each other's feelings, all of this becomes crystal clear. we spent hours talking about this intimate shit that we didn't even thought that this kind of conversation would ever actually happens. and it feels so good.
and no it doesn't mean that i will be with him. we made it clear that both of us value our friendship in a loving, friendly way—not romantically, and that's just the best decision we've ever made.
before that day i never knew that expressing our feelings doesn't always go wrong. i learned that it's better to say what you feel than let them stay inside you without the knowledge of the other person. you never know what might happened. because of this little crazy guts, i received a great feedback—more than what i asked for. and now i have nothing to regret about in the future, for that i've done the things that i thought was the right thing to do.
so, thankyou for always being a dear. we both know you're the understanding one. (also the asshole one cause you left me while lagi bahagia-bahagianya ;) )
xoxo,
the emotionally unstable one <3
additional note: the post title is from the song 'Seandainya Selalu Satu', was once sung by our first team in the choir.
