(i suggest you to read every sentences slowly, as i want you to understand every words that i wrote, cause i actually mean it. and fyi, my heart aches a lot as i wrote this).
As a human being, being hurted is something so common that happened to most likely every single human on earth. Whether it's physically or mentally, it surely left wounds on our hearts, and yes it sometimes aches so badly. From days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years--the wound they left might fade, but they will never be gone. Some of us might even having troubles fading it, as it is a quite hard thing to do or even impossible for some people.
Well, as a human being my heart obviously had some wounds too. Some are deeper than the others, and some fades quicker than i thought. From all the deepest wounds, there is one i would like to talk about. This wound was left by my own friend, and i don't think it's necessary to tell you the whole story but this wound had changed me ever since. I got traumas, i felt so unwanted, and the most painful part is that this person who left the wound, made me somehow felt like i could never be equal to her. Everytime i achieved something, i always felt like it's still nothing compared to what she's got. And it is actually painful. Everytime i get to see her the wound she left will aches so badly but i always try my best to keep smiling and see her as my own friend, but guys, i know that it's never gonna be easy at all.
How come it is gonna be easy, while she took what i loved the most, and it destroyed me.
This wound had been staying in my hearts for years and years, and i know this one might take a long, long time to heal. And well, i accidentaly met her today. The wound still aches, but i'm getting better at hiding it. And as i saw her, hugged her, and talked to her.. there's this weird feeling that's tickling me inside, like i finally realized that she is actually a nice person, or even a really good friend. But our past just somehow made us through lots of rough stuffs, and i think that was the reason we got torn apart. And today, maybe it's finally the time for me to heal this wound thoroughly.
I can't believe i said this but i think i'm finally trying to f o r g i v e her.
You cannot change things that happen outside your control. But you can control how you react and perceive it. - Fatima Ariadne
I believe that nobody was born to be a mean person, some of us might just have a bad attitude. I'm finally trying to see what's good in her, despite of everything she did that destroyed me once. If you read my post about the art of letting go, you might know where this talk's gonna go.
Forgiving means letting go.
And letting go cut down the burdens on your shoulder.
This time it's not about the 'forgive and forget' term i am talking about. I would never, ever, forget what she did to me. It was awful, and i don't think i could ever experienced that again in my life. But now, i choose to see that in another perspective. Maybe that was God trying to tell me something. Maybe that was God giving me a chance to prove what i'm capable of, by having someone like her to made me felt like nothing. Maybe that was God trying to show me that i'm stronger than what i thought, by taking what i used to love the most. Maybe that was God trying to tell me that i worth something more than what she took from me. I don't know yet, but i'm sure i will find out later because i believe that God didn't do this to me by accident. Everything happened for a reason, and there is always a good one to take.
Forgive and let go. Don't you like it if God forgives you? God is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Qur'an, Suraa 24:22)
So, everyone, if you got to have those deep wounds like me, just try to heal it by forgiving. Forgiving might not heal the bitter past, but it surely gives you another chance to a fresh start. Those aches will fade, those burdens will cut down. If it's hard for you to forgive, or even seeing the good side in them, you should try to think about God instead. You would never know what God would gave you behind every wounds inside your hearts if you wouldn't try to heal it yourself. Always remember that everything happened for a reason.
As a closing line, one of my friend on twitter (who's also had through a real hard times lately) once tweeted this sentence that made me came up with a realization:
XOXO
n e d i t a
